


Within this Darkness

by icedteainthebag



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-20
Updated: 2010-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedteainthebag/pseuds/icedteainthebag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody would know but them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Within this Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cut scene from [Two Roads Diverged](http://community.livejournal.com/theyellowwood). I’m posting it because [](http://lytab5.livejournal.com/profile)[**lytab5**](http://lytab5.livejournal.com/) said “Why don’t you write some Laura/Ellen?” and I said, “Wait! I have. Hold on.”

They could do this. Nobody would know but them.

Laura’s breath was soft against her lips, and Ellen detected a hint of uncertainty in her gaze. She felt it too, the twinge of anxiety in her own body at the idea slowly birthing in her mind.

 _Nobody would know but them._ Gods, how she needed it, the contact of another person, contact that wasn’t tainted by motivations or greed or perversion.

 _How long it had been since she’d touched somebody like that..._

“I don’t know,” Laura whispered, even as she pulled a strand of Ellen’s hair through her fingers.

Ellen didn’t resist the urge to run her finger over Laura’s lips, just to feel them. Laura pursed her lips and kissed her fingertip once. It made her stomach flutter.

“They won’t know,” Ellen whispered.

She was so used to hiding things by now. She suspected they both were.

Laura’s eyelids fluttered shut as Ellen leaned in, her throat constricting around any consolations that were still aching to be said. Their kiss was gentle, lips barely moving. Ellen closed her eyes too, focusing not on the sounds of the world outside and on the soft sound of Laura’s breath against her cheek.

Ellen drew a deep breath and they nudged their mouths together at the same time, deepening their kiss.

 _No kissing on the mouth, Ellen had told him…preferably, nowhere at all._

Laura moved her body closer, one hand winding in the back of Ellen’s hair, holding her near. Laura smelled so good, different from him, the soft scent of her sweat and the slight smoky smell of her hair from campfires that dotted the camp, inundating everything with that same, thick, woody smell that she eventually grew to ignore, or hate, depending on the day. But on Laura it was comforting.

Their lips parted, yet remained close.

“This stays here,” Laura whispered.

Ellen nodded, opening her eyes to Laura’s gaze.

“Only here.” Ellen knew, and she suspected Laura did, that this moment was meant to exist outside of everything around them--that this space could be, for a moment, a sanctuary from the horrifying reality of what stood outside the canvas walls.

Laura’s kiss was more insistent this time, her arms sliding around Ellen’s neck. Ellen responded to her mouth and pulled her closer, hands on the bulky sweater covering her hips.

“You feel so good.” Laura’s voice was so soft she could barely hear it.

“So do you.”

Their lips met, parted and met again, in soft kisses that slowly broke down their defenses. Each kiss granted more permission. Each solidified their agreement even more. Ellen felt warmth stir in her abdomen, a small rush of heat at the idea of what might come next.

“Touch me,” she heard herself say, she didn’t even realize she said it until Laura’s hands slid to the buttons on her shirt, gently plucking each one free. A kiss, a button undone, over and over until her shirt hung open. Ellen blushed furiously, suddenly nervous that Laura may see a bruise or a scratch and wonder how it happened. She didn’t want to answer any questions.

Laura’s hands were so soft, fingers slightly cool against Ellen’s stomach. She let them rest there as her mouth moved to Ellen’s neck, lips slightly parted as she kissed her there. Ellen tilted her head, breathing sharply at the sensation of Laura’s breath near her ear.

Ellen planted her hands at the small of Laura’s back as Laura’s hands drifted up to cup her breasts, another tentative touch, her fingers drifting over the fabric of her bra.

“Is that okay?” Laura asked, nuzzling her nose against Ellen’s neck.

Ellen chuckled and Laura let out a soft laugh.

“Yeah,” Ellen said, pressing her fingers into Laura’s back, circling it.

“I’m just not sure what you want.” Laura kissed her neck again, then lifted her head to look into Ellen’s eyes. Her hands were still moving rhythmically on Ellen’s breasts, sending small tingles down her body.

“I want what you want.”

She’d never had a situation in which either party felt the need to ask permission, to verify that permission was granted. At the same time, she knew, though she didn’t want to acknowledge, that Laura had very specific reasons for asking if it was okay.

Laura didn’t want to hurt her, to make her feel used, like the Cylons were using her, like anyone had done before that.

Ellen gathered the sides of Laura’s sweater in her fists and pulled it upward. Laura lifted her arms and Ellen removed it, tossing it to the side. Laura wore a pale undershirt beneath, her dark hair spilling over it, dark contrasting against white in the pale light of the tent.

 _So beautiful. Nothing on this whole frakkin’ planet is beautiful, and then there’s her, and us._

Laura slid her hands under the shoulders of Ellen’s shirt and pushed it down, her palms skimming the muscles of Ellen’s arms. She let the shirt fall to the ground and Ellen felt herself blush again.

“I have... I have marks, and things...”

She knew she hadn’t seen all of them—there were no mirrors in tent city, but she still had ghosts of memories of receiving each one, of the Brother Cavil marring her skin.

“It’s okay,” Laura said softly, her eyes never leaving Ellen’s.

Ellen bit her lip and nodded, slipping her hands under Laura’s undershirt and pulling it over her head. They were again on a level playing field. Ellen dipped her head to kiss the tops of Laura’s breasts and she heard Laura’s breath leave her quickly as nimble fingers twirled through her hair.

She kissed up to Laura’s neck, a soft, sweet trail upward, and pulled her into a hug.

They breathed.

“We can go to my cot,” Laura said against her shoulder. “Lie down.”

x x x x

Ellen had come to Laura’s tent looking like hell, and Laura immediately knew something was wrong because for the first time, Ellen wouldn’t look into her eyes.

“I’ve had to do some things,” she began, before she seemed to run out of words.

Laura’s stomach sunk as she realized what Ellen meant and immediately pulled her into an embrace.

Laura cradled her trembling body, which made her stomach feel all the more queasy.

She buried her face in Ellen's hair, because that in itself was comforting—the feeling of the silky strands against her cheeks, the soft hint of sweat and even softer hint of soap.

She felt Ellen’s breath on her neck and held her more tightly. Something had happened to decimate her—some deal with the devil, some arrangement hastily agreed upon based on the fleeting notion of having her most prized possession returned to her.

She knew all too well about promises, about desperately clinging to the idea that maybe, some way, what she did would bring her what she wanted the most.

“I want him back so badly,” Ellen whispered.

Laura felt a burn behind her eyelids, the threat of tears immediate. “I know.”

She knew.

x x x x

They’d looked into each other’s eyes and something happened in that instant—an understanding, a realization of what could be done, of maybe what should be done, of what could be justified in moments of indiscretion and necessary comfort. The idea both troubled and thrilled small parts of her.

They had nobody but each other in this hell.

They’d kissed, and touched, and this all led to her taking Ellen’s hand and bringing her to the cot on the far side of the tent, as if she was bringing a new lover to her bed in some fairy tale fantasy, not trying to reconstruct at least a semblance of two women, one damaged, one on the edge.

 _She’d led him to her bed, her stomach twirling with excitement, not dread, because she knew, this time, that nobody would stop them, not even themselves._

Laura sat down on the side of the cot and pulled at the zipper at Ellen’s hip, letting her pants fall to the floor in a soft pile. She let her eyes wander over the slight curve of her belly, the rise of her hips, the apex of her thighs, covered by thin cotton.

She leant in and kissed Ellen’s skin once, then looked up into her eyes. Ellen’s hair was hanging on the sides of her face as she looked down, and Laura could barely see her eyes in the near-darkness.

“We need some light,” Ellen murmured.

Laura instantly knew why—she wanted this to be the two of them, live and in the flesh, without any shadows lurking. She reached over to the small box acting as a nightstand table. She lit a candle, her hands shaking slightly as the light brightened the room.

The light cast across Ellen’s skin now, turning lithe, pale limbs into skin the soft gold of a Caprican sunset. But Laura could also see the marks now, the ones Ellen had hastily passed off. The purple bruises on her hips in the shape of thumbprints, the sparse, red scratches on her belly and her arms.

 _Ellen, what did they do…what did you do..._

“Oh gods,” Laura breathed, before she had the chance to stop herself.

“Don’t,” Ellen said sharply. “Please, don’t pity me.”

Laura swallowed thickly and blinked her tears away.

Ellen slowly sunk down next to her on the cot and Laura pulled her into her arms again.

“I would never pity you,” Laura said. Ellen looked into her eyes. “Ever. You’re so st—”

Ellen kissed her hard—Laura whimpered softly in surprise and at the immediate insistence of Ellen’s tongue. She accepted it, pulling Ellen’s head closer with her hands, holding her there as their kissing got more frantic.

 _His mouth on hers was hard, desperate, as he pushed her down onto the cot..._

Ellen pushed her down onto the cot, her head landing on the pillow, and their mouths met again, searching for something just out of reach. Comfort, understanding, a feeling of calm amid chaos. They might find it in each other, or try as hard as they could.

Ellen unbuttoned Laura’s pants and Laura lifted her hips to let her slide them down.

They were moving more quickly now, and Laura wondered if they were trying to beat the clock, before the strike of reality hit, whenever it would—that Ellen was cheating, that she was not, even though in her heart, it would feel like it if she let it.

But he was gone, and so was Saul, and in the darkest part of her mind, she sometimes questioned whether Bill and Saul were even alive. Maybe it was just she and Ellen anyway, stuck on this rock, waiting to die.

Ellen’s body atop hers was light and soft until she lay to the side of her, her hand stroking Laura’s side. Laura turned to face her, making room on the cot that was never meant for two.

Laura was surprised by this immediate intimacy between them—they hadn’t always been on good terms, she and Ellen, in fact, there were times early on when Laura wanted nothing more than to toss Ellen out the nearest airlock. There’d been that argument a few days ago in the market that had made her so angry she could barely see straight. But here they were, now, and Ellen’s touch soothed her, and she hoped hers did the same as she kissed Ellen’s forehead.

“This feels good,” Ellen said softly.

Laura hummed her agreement, letting her eyes flutter shut as Ellen’s fingers traced the waistband of her underwear. It did feel good.

 _So, so good… she used to count the days it’d been since he’d touched her..._

She felt Ellen kiss her chin and she lowered her head to let their lips greet again, tentative as Ellen’s fingers slid slowly under the fabric, back and forth over her abdomen.

“Please,” Laura whispered against Ellen’s open mouth.

She gasped as Ellen slid her hand further down, cupping her, her body rising to the touch. Slender fingers explored her and she kissed Ellen harder with a soft moan caught in the back of her throat.

 _It was like he knew how to touch her intrinsically with his hands, his mouth, his tongue..._

Laura’s hips began to slowly move with Ellen’s touch. She slid her hand down Ellen’s abdomen and hesitated at the band of her underwear. Laura wanted to touch her at the same time, because that’s really what this was about, she convinced herself, more about Ellen, what she needs, not about her. She doesn’t really need anything from anyone. Not really. Not any more.

She tried to convince herself of that.

She slipped her hand under the fabric.

Ellen’s skin was so soft under her fingers, more soft than she’d imagined all the times she’d seen this woman with her long, muscled legs and her chisled jawline...she didn’t know why she expected her body to be more firm when she touched her.

 _She’s soft, she bruises, she feels pain. She’s as vulnerable as the rest of us._

Ellen’s fingers slipped inside her, smooth and long, and Laura broke their kiss to let a long breath out, a breath she felt like she’d been keeping in for days.

 _It feels different from him. It should feel different._

She felt tears prickle behind her eyes and rolled her hips with the slow motion of Ellen’s fingers. She felt her throat aching and let out a shaky breath.

“Show me how he touches you,” Ellen whispered, her nose softly brushing Laura’s cheek.

Laura kissed Ellen again, their mouths soft and open. She slid her hand between her legs atop Ellen’s and pressed Ellen’s palm against her bare flesh, feeling a spark of arousal as she began to circle Ellen’s hand against her body.

She slid her fingers deeper into the warm softness she found between Ellen’s thighs. Ellen made a soft sound of pleasure from the back of her throat. Laura felt a deep pull from inside, an aching swirl that began blossoming slowly under the gentle circling of Ellen’s palm.

x x x x

Ellen shivered at Laura’s constant, gentle touch, at the slow trail of her fingers through her flesh. Her touch was surprisingly loving and careful, though Ellen didn’t know why she felt surprised at it at all.

She heard Laura start whimpering low in her throat, saw her head tilt up to the ceiling, felt her hips rise softly against her hand. Ellen pressed her cheek against Laura’s hair on her pillow, hand working more firmly as Laura’s touch got more sporadic, jerky.

“Laura,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

Laura’s whimper was louder, her lips parted with soft pants. Suddenly her body tensed up and she cried out, her head jerking to the side, eyes squeezed shut. Ellen kissed her cheek.

“Oh, gods,” Laura breathed. “Gods, I’m dreaming, this is...”

She didn’t finish her sentence.

They laid in silence for a few moments until Laura’s fingers slowly began moving on Ellen again, sending a shiver down Ellen’s spine. Laura opened her eyes and slid her free hand to the back of Ellen’s hair, fingers twisting in it, kissing her again.

Ellen kept her eyes open, afraid of the thoughts hidden in the dark corners of her mind. She kept looking into Laura’s eyes, hoping the other woman wouldn’t sense her hesitation. It felt so good, slick fingers across her most sensitive spots, and she needed to be touched like this.

Laura broke the kiss. “More?” she breathed against Ellen’s lips.

“Yes.”

The harder, faster motion sent a surge of heat through Ellen’s abdomen. Her eyelids fluttered and she tensed up.

 _The ceiling fan was spinning, spinning, spinning…_

“Just look at me,” Laura whispered. “Just look at me, Ellen.”

“Gods,” Ellen whispered, tears in her eyes, so close to the edge. She looked into Laura’s eyes and bit her lip, sliding her thigh up over Laura’s hip.

“It’s okay.” Laura’s fingers rolled around her clit and Ellen took a deep breath in, her hips pressing into Laura’s hand, over and over, until she felt her release hit her hard, dizzying her head as she cried out.

She felt shame wash over her, a pang of queasiness hitting her stomach.

 _It’s happened again... you didn’t even think about him this time._

“Frak,” she breathed as Laura pulled her hand from Ellen’s underwear. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt Laura slide her arm around her waist.

“It’s okay.” Laura repeated it to her over and over, her voice barely audible.

“It’s not,” Ellen said through gritted teeth. “It’s not.”

Her throat constricted and she tried desperately to hold in her tears. She felt Laura shift her body closer, felt the warmth of Laura’s belly against her own, their breasts pressed together. Laura pulled her head down to her shoulder as she began to cry.

She felt Laura’s body shaking against hers as they held each other on the cot, the chill of the night air sucking away at their warmth.

\- end -  
  



End file.
